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Paul McRae, LMHC

Clinical Director + Licensed Mental Health Counselor

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Mental Health

September 30, 2020 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Age-Appropriate Ways to Discuss Suicide with Your Kids

In a recent post, I explained how families who have lost a member to suicide can deal with the tragedy in a healthy way. It’s vital that the children in a family are given the tools they need to handle the situation in an age-appropriate way.

For each of the age groups, it is necessary to focus on presenting information in a way that they will understand. Depending on the maturity of the individual child, you may find that they respond better to advice from a differing age group. Keep conversation open throughout and bring in a trusted mental health professional to make sure that everyone has a safe outlet to share their complex emotions.

Pre-Teens

It can seem scary for guardians of adolescents to consider that children as young as 10 may be impacted directly by suicide. Whether through losing a classmate or a family member, young people face many stressors and need guidance on how to process changing emotions. Use these tips to engage pre-teens in suicide prevention:

  • Stay available for conversations.
  • Encourage them to discuss any worries or questions with you or a trusted adult.
  • Explain about the loss of the individual without being too graphic about the methods used.

Teenagers

Middle and high school students may receive educational materials at school about the prevention of suicide. Youth Suicide Awareness and Prevention Training is available through the Florida Department of Education. Parents and guardians still play an important role in the day-to-day wellbeing of teenagers. Use these tips to engage teens in suicide prevention:

  • Start an intentional dialogue about the loss of the family member or friend.
  • Give them a safe space to share what is going on in their world.
  • Answer any questions that arise completely and honestly.

College Students

Since COVID, more college students are attending classes virtually. This can create a firmer connection to home if they are studying from home; it can also cause a disconnect between their peers and the traditional in-person college experience. Young adults are faced with more uncertainties now that in years past, especially with regards to future job opportunities and living situations. Use these tips to engage college-aged young people in suicide prevention:

  • Provide opportunities to discuss the loss of the loved one.
  • Ask for help with returning life to a new normal.
  • Share your own struggles and how you overcome them.

Each family is unique in their dynamic, but every family has the ability to emerge stronger. Through facilitating deep discussion and fostering connection, family members can come together to process the tragedy.

If you or your children need guidance on how to navigate this complex situation, please call my office to schedule an appointment. I am available in-person with COVID precautions and virtually for private sessions.

Filed Under: Mental Health

September 16, 2020 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Family Healing After Suicide

Suicide affects so many people beyond the person lost. Surviving family members and friends face complex emotions in the coming months and, even years, after the tragedy. Life for those left behind may never return to normal, but there are ways to move forward in a healthy way.

Talk about your loved one. When a member of the family is lost to suicide, one coping mechanism can be to avoid mentioning the person altogether. Holidays and birthdays can be especially hard to get through without sharing memories of when they were present to celebrate with you. Say their name out loud and begin to process the emotions that arise for you.

Start new traditions. If you find that a former tradition is too painful, work together with immediate family members to find a solution that feels right to all involved. It may take some experimenting to find that perfect fit, but you can hold onto the parts that you enjoyed and release the parts that felt forced.

Share your thoughts. Some of the complicated emotions you will be processing can feel uncomfortable and even disloyal to the person you lost. Share them with people who will understand what you are going through. The other members of your family are grieving as well. Lean on one another for support and share your reality.

Be patient with your family, and yourself. Stressors are high in the best of times. Couple the loss of a loved one through suicide with the challenges of living through a pandemic and you have the perfect situation for an emotional overload. Give yourself extra time to respond and make sure that the family is going out of their way to be kind to one another.

Connect the entire family with a mental health professional. Individual and family counseling is vital at such a time as this. Even if you consider yourself to be physically and emotionally strong, a tragic event can be jarring for anyone.

If you would like to start a conversation about how I can help you as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, please contact my office at the Jacksonville Center for Counseling at (904) 737-7242.

Filed Under: Mental Health

August 10, 2020 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Resilience and Routines

We are living in unusual times. The routines we took for granted like eating out with friends, commuting to the office, and going to the movies aren’t as easy to do. There are a lot of big decisions each family has to make and what’s right for one family may not be feasible for another.

One thing that you and your family can focus on during these challenging times is increasing resiliency. Resiliency simply means that you are able to bounce back from a negative situation. You can increase your resiliency by improving your emotional health. Medical professionals recognize the ways your physical and mental health are connected and healthcare is improving as a result.

The National Institute of Health (NIH) published an emotion wellness toolkit that outlines 6 strategies for improving your emotional health. Below are ways you can follow their strategies from your home or right here in Jacksonville.

  1. Brighten your outlook.
    Exercise can release endorphins and running is especially good for increasing serotonin. Both of these chemicals give your brain a boost by decreasing your sensitivity to pain and increasing your mood stability. Florida is great for getting outside and going for a run. If it’s raining, wait 10 or 15 minutes and duck out between thunderstorms.
  2. Reduce stress.
    Jacksonville is home to many beautiful parks and museums. Take a walk at Jacksonville Arboretum and practice deep breathing. Better still, leave your phone in the car to really stay present and observe all of the different plants and trees around you. Time outside alone, or with a friend or two can be a great way to decompress from anything that’s bothering you.
  3. Get quality sleep.
    Sleep is a powerful way to regenerate your mind and body. You can go high-tech and program the lights in your living room to turn off when you plan to head to bed. You can also go slightly lower-tech and just flip the switch on your way out of the room. However you function best, make sure that you are getting the full rest that your body needs to be at its healthiest and happiest.
  4. Cope with loss.
    This summer has been one of disappointment for a lot of people. Students and their families expected to attend graduation ceremonies. Many weddings and other celebrations had to be postponed or cancelled. In Jacksonville, there are so many friends and families who lost loved ones due to illness. Loss impacts each individual a little differently. For some, they may find healing through a religious leader; others may feel comfort in spending time alone. Make sure that you are caring for yourself and the people who depend on you while you are grieving.
  5. Strengthen social connections.
    Call a friend or family member and talk about the things that are important to them. More important than talking is just being present to listen. Even if you can’t get together due to social distance or physical distance, you can still maintain that relationship by picking up the phone or sending someone a text to let them know you are thinking of them.
  6. Be mindful.
    When you catch yourself in an emotion that brings negative feelings, stop and recognize what you are experiencing. You can feel sadness without being depressed and you can feel happiness without being elated. Focus on the way the emotion flows through your mind and try to track the origin of that feeling. Be intentional about what you watch for entertainment and who you spend a significant amount of time around.

 

Click here to read the NIH Emotional Wellness Toolkit and download their checklist. If you would like to start a conversation about how I can help you as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, please contact my office the Jacksonville Center for Counseling at (904) 737-7242.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Mental Health, Personal Improvement

July 30, 2020 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Personal Record – Doing the Best for Your Family

We are all doing the best we can in the situation we find ourselves in. There are so many big decisions to make as schools shift to different models and workplaces make the changes necessary to keep us safe. If you feel like your life is out of control and you don’t know what to do next, focus on the small things that you have the most influence over.

As a running coach, I encourage my athletes to look at each race with a single goal in mind, to achieve their personal best. For a 5K, it could be to achieve your best time; for a half-marathon or marathon, that goal could be to achieve the longest distance without stopping to walk. As long as you are making progress, you can feel that hit of dopamine that comes when you reach a goal or finish a task.

If you aren’t into running, you can find other ways to set personal records. Encourage your kids to set goals for projects that are important to them. For example, if they are into video games, most systems have a way to save your highest score or furthest level and you can then try to beat that point in the game. More traditional goal setting would include things like number of books read in a month or year, or the fastest they can fold a load of laundry.

Your personal best is a good metric to track because it can give you an idea of where you are now and where you were a year ago. In business it is common to use the phrase, “Measure what you want to improve.” The same can be said of your personal life. If you want to lose weight or you want a better job, or any of these things that you can clearly envision yourself as having improved—that is the point that you want to start tracking.

If you are unhappy in your job, track for a week all of the things that frustrate you about the situation. Maybe you don’t like the tasks you are assigned or you would prefer that your boss treat you in a different way than you are being treated. Note the occasions in your workweek that elicit a strong reaction, good or bad. When you track these things for a week, or two weeks, or a month, you may start to notice patterns that you can work to shift.

Work with a mental health professional to help you achieve those things that you have been striving for and have not yet reached. We are ready to work with you on ways to cope with the stressors in your life and create a healthier, sustainable way of living.

To schedule an appointment to see me in private practice, please contact Jacksonville Center for Counseling at (904) 737-7242.

Filed Under: Mental Health, Personal Improvement

May 7, 2019 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Energy, Endurance and Endorphins

We could all use more energy to finish the things we want to do. When you are mentally and physically strong, you build up a reserve of energy and endurance that you can tap into when you need it. Spring is a popular time to increase mileage for runners who want to build endurance and you can use the good weather to improve your emotional health as well.

ENERGY. Running makes me feel free and full of energy, and most importantly, it clears my mind. If you have seen the movie Unfinished Business starring Vince Vaughn, there was a part in the movie where he was so stressed out, pressured and hopeless that he doesn’t know what to do. Even though he was exhausted and wearing a suit, he joined the marathon to clear his mind before a big decision. Spoiler alert, he chose the right decision and goes on to succeed.

We are constantly bombarded by stressors in our everyday lives. Sometimes these stressors pile up and our minds may have a hard time processing new information. This is where exercise or running can help develop the body not only physically, but also mentally. It is amazing that running, which requires energy, in turn gives energy to the mind and body.

ENDORPHINS. This feel-good chemical allows runners to push themselves to seemingly impossible limits. When pain or fatigue sets in our body gets help from its automatic natural pain-killer, “endogenous morphine.” Prehistoric men could not survive a life in the wild and may have not gotten very far running away without this endorphin. In addition to being an inhibitor of pain signals that allow us to push on through discomfort, it can also produce, in some cases, a feeling of euphoria. After a mile run, the mind becomes at ease and at peace with the scenery and the rhythm it gives to our body.

ENDURANCE. People think of running as a strenuous activity but it doesn’t have to be bad for your body. For beginners, you should do proper stretching and pace yourself as you build up endurance. There are lots of reasons why people choose to get up and jog early morning. You get to see the beautiful sunrise while flushing out the bad toxins and increases your stamina. We need endurance in almost everything we do every day. Whether we go to work, walk our dogs, go swimming or take your spouse on a date, we need endurance to sustain our daily activities. As long as you are cleared by your doctor, you can start building endurance today.

Energy, endorphins, and endurance are great ways to build in healthier habits in all aspects of your life. Start with running and see what other positive habits you can develop in the next weeks.

Filed Under: Mental Health, Personal Improvement

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