Paul McRae, LMHC

Clinical Director + Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Blog

By 1 Comment

How to Model Good Self-Care as a Business Leader

Leaders in any organization need to model good self-care for their employees and mentees. Whether you are a C-level executive of a Fortune 500 or a small business owner managing contractors and vendors, your emotional health is vital to the sustainability of your career.

You can improve your emotional health by practicing good self-care habits and you can encourage those who depend on you to practice good habits themselves. Below are 6 ways you as a business leader can practice self-care:

Prioritize family and friends.

Prioritizing time to spend with family and friends seems like an odd choice for a business leader. Many of the big leaders who come to mind pride themselves on appearing to work 80-hour weeks and sacrifice social activities on the weekends to achieve the next big business objective. The relationships you build with your support system will make the work and personal challenges that come up a little easier to handle.

Unplug from work and your computer.

Instead of burning yourself out staring at the screen for hours on end, schedule time to unplug. Go offline, turn off your phone, and ask a colleague to fill in the gaps over the weekend. You can return the favor the next time they want to unplug. Better yet, train your staff and clients to know when you are available with specific chunks of time blocked off for non-business-related tasks.

Watch what you eat.

A big part of self-care is making the conscious decision to take care of your body. If you monitor which foods make you feel great and which ones don’t, you will be better able to choose to prepare the foods that keep you feeling your best. For me, that means a lot of protein, vegetables and water. Fueling for the activities you have planned for the day ahead will make it easier to follow-through on them.

Use your fitness time with purpose.

Many of my runners enjoy training with a buddy. It’s always safer to run with a friend than to run alone and it can give you that extra time to build a strong relationship. If you like to work out at the gym, catch up on podcasts on the stationary bike or join a group fitness class. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that your workout time is benefitting you in multiple ways.

Continue learning outside of your industry.

In Jacksonville, we are fortunate to have many options for continued education. In any city with a college, there will be a continuing education department whose focus is to provide educational programming to the local community. Take a class that interests you and bring your spouse or a friend. You will gain the benefit of learning a new skill while spending quality time with someone whose company you value.

Good habits can be hard to start. Focus on one or two to implement during the month of October. Let me know in the comments below which one you will start with.

By Leave a Comment

4 Ways to Come Back Stronger After Injury

Physical injuries seem to heal faster than emotional ones. As I write this, many residents of Northeast Florida face a long road ahead to get their homes and offices back to normal after Hurricane Irma.

It is heartening to see neighbors helping neighbors and friends calling to check across town to see if anyone needs help. The utility workers and emergency responders are sharing stories of strangers bringing them cookies, sandwiches, and water as they work to get the city up and running again.

When one of my runners is injured, they sometimes get really frustrated and worry that their hard work and training will slip away while they rest an injured knee or ankle. The same advice I give to my runners will help improve your emotional health as well:

  1. Use the time to cross-train. There’s always something you can do to move yourself forward. Even if the steps are small and seem insignificant at the time, working other parts of the body can help keep your focus on the positive. For a runner, this might mean swimming; for a person dealing with loss, finding a new way to occupy your time can give you enough forward momentum to keep going.
  2. Keep in contact with your training buddy. Even if you can’t run, still come out for the group runs. Be a support to the others who are running. This act of community we see again and again in Jacksonville. If you are without power, you can still contribute some muscle to help your neighbor move a broken tree limb; when you experience loss stay active in the community to keep those relationships intact.
  3. Look for the progress. Track where you were before the injury and the small improvements you are making each day. For a runner, this is an easier metric because you can track time, distance, speed, etc. Getting back to normal can feel impossible if you forget to note the small wins. Today, the power came back. Yesterday, a friend stopped by with freshly baked cookies.
  4. Find the positive. As parents, we remind our kids to stay positive when things are not going according to plan. In a race, the positive could be we finished, or we met some amazing people. It can be hard to find the positive after a major storm, especially if your home sustained damage or you or a loved one were injured. The important thing to keep in mind is that your current situation is temporary. Focus on the way you can move forward in a stronger and happier way.

Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Option B, has some great advice about how to deal with adversity. She writes, “We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events.” Stay mindful about how you talk and think about your surroundings.

By Leave a Comment

How to Build a Strong Support System

As a busy person with a lot of responsibilities, it can be hard to make sure I don’t drop the ball on anything. I’m a father, husband, psychologist, running coach, owner of several businesses, and I volunteer in the community. I manage to make time for the people and events that are important to me and a lot of the credit for my success goes to my support system.

I want to share with you how to build a strong support system of your own. Surrounded by the right people, and with the right tools and mindset, you too can accomplish a lot in your day. I like to think about growing a strong support system as similar to building endurance when you train to run.

The first step to building a strong support system is to start where you are.

New runners know that the first step to improving their times is to show up for early morning track practice. You don’t need the best shoes or a life coach to get started creating a strong support system. Use the materials you already have and the people you already know to shift your life in a more positive direction.

Next, you will want to make small improvements on the areas you can impact.

Exercise is a great way to improve your physical and mental health but it is not enough on its own. You can make small improvements in how you spend your time and what you choose to eat to help you move toward a healthier life.

Build a small support system first.

Your support system is a combination of your habits and your network. In running, this is the time you would find a running buddy or two. Within your network, tap the people who make a positive impact in your life. Let them know that you value their friendship and skills and ask what you can do to help them succeed in areas of their own life. Celebrate the things you are already doing right in your daily life and practice forming better habits to make you a happier and healthier individual.

Grow your support system.

Join an organization whose goals align with yours. As you offer help where you are able, your support system will naturally grow over time. The best way to grow a strong support system is to be a support to others in time of need, whether through volunteering in the community or giving of yourself directly. A kind word or a box of groceries can mean the world to someone who is going through a tough time.
There you have it. Your endurance is something that will improve over time just as your support system will grow as you continue to nurture it.

Who are some of the biggest supporters in your support system?

By Leave a Comment

Practice Vulnerability at Work

When you start practicing vulnerability at home, it’s time to bring that mindset to the office.

“Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.” Brené Brown comes from a deep academic history in social work. Her research on vulnerability and emotion are legendary.

Her TED Talk, “The power of vulnerability” mentions a few times when individuals feel most vulnerable at work. She mentions people being laid off and laying off others as some of these times. Other instances when people might feel vulnerable at the office is when delivering a presentation or meeting with a new team member.

You can practice vulnerability at the office by trying some of these strategies:

  • Be the first person to show appreciation.

    Recognizing a colleague for a job well done is an authentic way to show vulnerability. You are demonstrating that the individual is worthy of praise and it’s a great reminder that you too belong in this space.

  • Share when you are worried.

    It is most likely that your team already knows when you are worried about something at work. Go ahead and share what’s on your mind with others in your office to foster transparent communication.

  • Ask for help.

    Trust that your co-workers will deliver when you ask for assistance on a project. When you admit that you can’t do it all on your own, you provide a chance to include others in a mutual goal

  • Explain your goals.

    This is a big step of vulnerability if you are in a position of authority. When sharing the goals for the month or the quarter, take a moment to explain the reasons behind the measurements. Trust that your team will support you in reaching your goals.

Whether you are the supervisor in your department or an employee in a small business, you can have the confidence to show vulnerability in the workplace.
If you want a hand thinking of strategies specific to your situation, contact me for an individual session.

By Leave a Comment

Practice Vulnerability at Home

Have you seen Brené Brown’s famous TED Talk, “The power of vulnerability”? It’s amazing and raw and in it she explains the research she has done on what she calls “whole-hearted people.” These are people who feel that they are worthy of love and belonging.

When people come to see me in my private practice, they are working through many different issues. Some are trying to improve their relationships at home. If you are working to improve your relationship with your spouse and children try practicing vulnerability.

You can practice vulnerability at home by trying some of these strategies:

  • Show affection first.

    When you initiate affection, you are demonstrating that you consider yourself worthy of love. It’s a great way to demonstrate to your children and your partner or spouse that they too are worthy of love and attention.

  • Share when your feelings are hurt.

    Open and compassionate communication with loved ones shows a deep level of trust. Start small to gain confidence that your emotions will be well-received. Build to a deeper level of transparency with your spouse.

  • Ask for help.

    Asking for help is a very important behavior to model in front of children and is one of the hardest ways to show vulnerability. Know that you may not receive help the first time you ask and be willing to put yourself out there a few times before getting a positive result.

  • Explain what you want.

    When you are self-aware enough to know what you want, share that want with your spouse and your children. It can be as simple as saying, “This Saturday I want the family to work together to weed the garden because I want to spend time together while improving our home.” Giving the motive behind what you want everyone to do will show that you trust them to work with you.

For our own physical and mental health, as well as the health of our loved ones, it is important to show vulnerability. Brené Brown writes, “We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to.”

If you are ready to function as you are meant to and need some guidance to get there, contact me to discuss strategies specific to your situation.