Paul McRae, LMHC

Clinical Director + Licensed Mental Health Counselor

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You Are Not Alone

Suicide and mental health are in the news today with the recent tragedies of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. This is a wonderful opportunity to start a conversation within your family, friends, and community to share experiences and widen each of our individual worldview.

So often after a community loses someone to suicide, there is a sense of shock. There were no remembered signs or signals. Sure, maybe a friend was going through a rough patch but no one knew how overwhelmed that friend was at the time.

Social media doesn’t help. Dr. Jean Twenge is one of the authors of a study in Clinical Psychological Science on links to suicide rates and depression and teens and their extended use of smartphones. The celebrity deaths are not teens but many of them faced similar challenges as teens do today.

There is an ever-increasing challenge to be the center of attention. Teens want to hold that status of fame through social media likes. Even for adults, the need to be liked, seen, and valued in magnified through social media use. For the adults on Facebook, and even LinkedIn, more views, comments, and likes are a kind of social currency.

The trouble with social media is that relationships that exist only online cannot form as strong a foundation or as deep a bond as the relationships in the offline world. Online relationships can create a false sense of intimacy where verbal communication and physical contact can provide a more human connection.

Below are two ways you can reach out or check-in with those around you:

  1. Schedule a call. If you know a friend is struggling or if you are the one who could use some extra support, schedule a call with a close friend. Weekly or bi-weekly calls will give you both something to look forward to and a way to connect if you don’t live in the same city.
  2. Volunteer for a cause that you are passionate about. If you love animals, consider being a foster parent for a dog or cat. Taking care of a pet, even temporarily, will give you a burst of endorphins.

I caution my clients, and I would caution you, please monitor and meter your time online. Reach out to your network and let a trusted person know that you are struggling. If you find yourself at a loss of who to turn to, start with me. I am here to listen and help guide you to a healthier frame of mind.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA) for Teens and Adults

Call 1-800-273-8255

 

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Clear Your Desk to Clear Your Mind

Have you ever felt that feeling of overwhelming dread when you see your desk? Papers are piled high and a deadline is looming. You can’t find your notes and you are worried about letting down the people who are counting on you.

Your breathing starts to become more shallow and your jaw clenches as you shuffle papers and move notepads. Finally, the page you need floats to the top of the mess. With a sigh of relief and an easing of the tension in your shoulders, you can make real progress on the project.

Much of this extra stress and anxiety came about because your mind was distracted by the negative environment of your office space. There are parts of your job that you can’t control but you can control the way you interact with your colleagues and the way you react to stress.

This past week I have been reading Jon Gordon’s The Energy Bus. One of the quotes that stayed with me is when he writes, “To run a successful organization, you must learn to manage people’s energy, including your own.” Positive energy is easier to use, and keep using, when your mind is clear.

Want to create space for your own positive energy? Try some of these tips to clear away the clutter:

  • At the end of each day put away the files and documents that accumulated throughout the workday. It is even better to keep your desk as tidy as you can. A minimalist surface allows your mind to rest on the empty spaces and focus on the task at hand.
  • Allow yourself ample time to transition between tasks by putting away what you don’t need right now.
  • Digital clutter can also lead to feelings of overwhelm. Try turning off notifications on your phone and desktop. Unread emails will keep coming no matter how often you check your accounts.
  • Sign out of your social media accounts. Checking Facebook and Twitter every five minutes creates a lot of mental clutter. Choose when to check your accounts rather than checking them by default. In 6 Ways to Keep Your Relationships Healthy on Social Media, I mentioned the importance of knowing when to go offline for your mental health.

How is your energy at work? Are you focusing on the things you want to be doing, that you need to be doing? How is your energy at home? If you are ready to start improving your energy so you can live the life you are meant to be living, contact me so we can talk.

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How to Model Good Self-Care as a Business Leader

Leaders in any organization need to model good self-care for their employees and mentees. Whether you are a C-level executive of a Fortune 500 or a small business owner managing contractors and vendors, your emotional health is vital to the sustainability of your career.

You can improve your emotional health by practicing good self-care habits and you can encourage those who depend on you to practice good habits themselves. Below are 6 ways you as a business leader can practice self-care:

Prioritize family and friends.

Prioritizing time to spend with family and friends seems like an odd choice for a business leader. Many of the big leaders who come to mind pride themselves on appearing to work 80-hour weeks and sacrifice social activities on the weekends to achieve the next big business objective. The relationships you build with your support system will make the work and personal challenges that come up a little easier to handle.

Unplug from work and your computer.

Instead of burning yourself out staring at the screen for hours on end, schedule time to unplug. Go offline, turn off your phone, and ask a colleague to fill in the gaps over the weekend. You can return the favor the next time they want to unplug. Better yet, train your staff and clients to know when you are available with specific chunks of time blocked off for non-business-related tasks.

Watch what you eat.

A big part of self-care is making the conscious decision to take care of your body. If you monitor which foods make you feel great and which ones don’t, you will be better able to choose to prepare the foods that keep you feeling your best. For me, that means a lot of protein, vegetables and water. Fueling for the activities you have planned for the day ahead will make it easier to follow-through on them.

Use your fitness time with purpose.

Many of my runners enjoy training with a buddy. It’s always safer to run with a friend than to run alone and it can give you that extra time to build a strong relationship. If you like to work out at the gym, catch up on podcasts on the stationary bike or join a group fitness class. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that your workout time is benefitting you in multiple ways.

Continue learning outside of your industry.

In Jacksonville, we are fortunate to have many options for continued education. In any city with a college, there will be a continuing education department whose focus is to provide educational programming to the local community. Take a class that interests you and bring your spouse or a friend. You will gain the benefit of learning a new skill while spending quality time with someone whose company you value.

Good habits can be hard to start. Focus on one or two to implement during the month of October. Let me know in the comments below which one you will start with.

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4 Ways to Come Back Stronger After Injury

Physical injuries seem to heal faster than emotional ones. As I write this, many residents of Northeast Florida face a long road ahead to get their homes and offices back to normal after Hurricane Irma.

It is heartening to see neighbors helping neighbors and friends calling to check across town to see if anyone needs help. The utility workers and emergency responders are sharing stories of strangers bringing them cookies, sandwiches, and water as they work to get the city up and running again.

When one of my runners is injured, they sometimes get really frustrated and worry that their hard work and training will slip away while they rest an injured knee or ankle. The same advice I give to my runners will help improve your emotional health as well:

  1. Use the time to cross-train. There’s always something you can do to move yourself forward. Even if the steps are small and seem insignificant at the time, working other parts of the body can help keep your focus on the positive. For a runner, this might mean swimming; for a person dealing with loss, finding a new way to occupy your time can give you enough forward momentum to keep going.
  2. Keep in contact with your training buddy. Even if you can’t run, still come out for the group runs. Be a support to the others who are running. This act of community we see again and again in Jacksonville. If you are without power, you can still contribute some muscle to help your neighbor move a broken tree limb; when you experience loss stay active in the community to keep those relationships intact.
  3. Look for the progress. Track where you were before the injury and the small improvements you are making each day. For a runner, this is an easier metric because you can track time, distance, speed, etc. Getting back to normal can feel impossible if you forget to note the small wins. Today, the power came back. Yesterday, a friend stopped by with freshly baked cookies.
  4. Find the positive. As parents, we remind our kids to stay positive when things are not going according to plan. In a race, the positive could be we finished, or we met some amazing people. It can be hard to find the positive after a major storm, especially if your home sustained damage or you or a loved one were injured. The important thing to keep in mind is that your current situation is temporary. Focus on the way you can move forward in a stronger and happier way.

Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Option B, has some great advice about how to deal with adversity. She writes, “We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events.” Stay mindful about how you talk and think about your surroundings.

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How to Build a Strong Support System

As a busy person with a lot of responsibilities, it can be hard to make sure I don’t drop the ball on anything. I’m a father, husband, psychologist, running coach, owner of several businesses, and I volunteer in the community. I manage to make time for the people and events that are important to me and a lot of the credit for my success goes to my support system.

I want to share with you how to build a strong support system of your own. Surrounded by the right people, and with the right tools and mindset, you too can accomplish a lot in your day. I like to think about growing a strong support system as similar to building endurance when you train to run.

The first step to building a strong support system is to start where you are.

New runners know that the first step to improving their times is to show up for early morning track practice. You don’t need the best shoes or a life coach to get started creating a strong support system. Use the materials you already have and the people you already know to shift your life in a more positive direction.

Next, you will want to make small improvements on the areas you can impact.

Exercise is a great way to improve your physical and mental health but it is not enough on its own. You can make small improvements in how you spend your time and what you choose to eat to help you move toward a healthier life.

Build a small support system first.

Your support system is a combination of your habits and your network. In running, this is the time you would find a running buddy or two. Within your network, tap the people who make a positive impact in your life. Let them know that you value their friendship and skills and ask what you can do to help them succeed in areas of their own life. Celebrate the things you are already doing right in your daily life and practice forming better habits to make you a happier and healthier individual.

Grow your support system.

Join an organization whose goals align with yours. As you offer help where you are able, your support system will naturally grow over time. The best way to grow a strong support system is to be a support to others in time of need, whether through volunteering in the community or giving of yourself directly. A kind word or a box of groceries can mean the world to someone who is going through a tough time.
There you have it. Your endurance is something that will improve over time just as your support system will grow as you continue to nurture it.

Who are some of the biggest supporters in your support system?