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Paul McRae, LMHC

Clinical Director + Licensed Mental Health Counselor

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November 3, 2020 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Anxiety in the Time of Covid

Shortly after I appeared live on a show called, “Educational Moments with Dr. Naita” to discuss anxiety, someone asked me if appearances like that make me nervous. I paused to consider the question and said no, which is an honest answer.

I felt perfectly comfortable being a guest on the show because it was conversational. I enjoy conversation, which is why I love my job. The occupation of a licensed mental health counselor is perfect for me as it consists of listening, talking and giving tips and insight from a nonjudgmental, outsider perspective.

However, the simple question prompted me to analyze my own relationship with anxiety. What makes me anxious? How does that translate to my work helping others with anxiety?

When I pondered my own experiences with anxiety, I immediately thought of a presentation I gave to a large crowd of other mental health professionals. I recall that I was nervous because some of the people present were colleagues with an impressive amount of experience and years working in this field that far exceeded mine.

I meticulously prepared for my presentation and created a PowerPoint to coincide with my topic. Once I began presenting, I easily remembered the words I had previously rehearsed and committed to memory because it was a topic I knew well.

The words I spoke were precise and flawlessly matched the PowerPoint. Although nothing went wrong, the presentation felt stiff and too contrived. It didn’t feel like me, so I didn’t feel like me.

Instead of succumbing to the anxiety I felt and either quitting or quickly plowing through it just to get it over with, I took a deep breath. I then told the large audience of professional colleagues that I felt it would be better if I spoke without a script and that I would share the PowerPoint with them after the presentation.

My nervousness abated, melting away as the words came more naturally. Although some audience members may have had more experience than me, I knew that I had valuable knowledge and experience about the subject, which was why I was the one chosen to speak about it.

Anxiety Isn’t All Bad

During the aforementioned show about anxiety that prompted this stroll down memory lane, Dr. Naita Guine brought up some interesting statistics. Forty million Americans struggle with some type of anxiety disorder. That may sound like a staggering statistic, but I believe that number is probably a low estimate.

I have noticed an increase in anxiety since Covid. It makes sense. We like to feel in control, and with Covid, we aren’t in control. We aren’t even aware of when or how it will end yet.

If you struggle with anxiety, you may feel helpless or even angry when it emerges. Anxiety seems like such a pointless reaction. However, anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. It can be a powerful motivator.

For instance, anxiety prompted me to change tactics during my presentation until I found what worked best for me. The anxiety I felt enhanced my performance. I keep this in mind when I work with people who are struggling with anxiety.

Anxiety can motivate you to practice and perfect a skill. In fact, working with anxiety this way, you can find what works best for you like I did. Once you get your rhythm, you may be able to leave that anxiety in a cloud of dust. You might find that you are really good at whatever originally caused you all that worry.

A little anxiety can be helpful, but an overwhelming amount is not healthy and can interfere with you living your best life.

Therapy for Anxiety

Everyone has strengths, and a good way to manage anxiety is to identify those strengths to use in your favor.

When you experience anxiety and panic attacks, the best thing to do is breathe deeply and focus on what is here and now. When I appeared on the show, I mentioned mindfulness and staying in the moment.

Because I know how difficult that can be in the beginning, I spoke of ways to start training yourself to cultivate mindfulness. One of the ways I suggested was to place an ice cube in your mouth and focus on it. Feel the hard shape of the ice melting as the cold liquid seeps from the ice cube into your mouth. The ice cube is the moment.

If you find yourself feeling anxious, check in with yourself to determine what is going on when you feel the anxiety. It isn’t always easy to know what the catalyst of anxiety is. This is why therapy can be extremely helpful.

Sometimes just talking to a therapist a few times or even once is enough. Not everyone requires ongoing therapy, but I think that therapy is like giving yourself a tune-up. The same way a car requires an oil change to continue to run properly, people sometimes need an emotional tune-up. I think everyone could benefit from going to see a therapist at least once.

Signs Someone You Know May Need Help

If someone you know is experiencing anxiety and exhibits a change in behavior, he or she may need help without realizing it. Warning signs are an individual ceasing to have interest in activities he or she once enjoyed. People experiencing a severe amount of anxiety may also isolate themselves and/or display uncharacteristic anger.

If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety, know that this is very common, especially in these times of uncertainty with Covid. Anxiety is not a weakness. We all need help sometimes.

I can help you find your strengths. Together, we can figure out how to turn down the volume of your anxiety, so it goes from being overwhelming to being the powerful motivator that can help you exceed your own expectations.

For more information or to schedule an appointment to talk about anxiety or any other issues you may be facing, don’t hesitate to contact me here or at the Jacksonville Center for Counseling.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

September 30, 2020 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Age-Appropriate Ways to Discuss Suicide with Your Kids

In a recent post, I explained how families who have lost a member to suicide can deal with the tragedy in a healthy way. It’s vital that the children in a family are given the tools they need to handle the situation in an age-appropriate way.

For each of the age groups, it is necessary to focus on presenting information in a way that they will understand. Depending on the maturity of the individual child, you may find that they respond better to advice from a differing age group. Keep conversation open throughout and bring in a trusted mental health professional to make sure that everyone has a safe outlet to share their complex emotions.

Pre-Teens

It can seem scary for guardians of adolescents to consider that children as young as 10 may be impacted directly by suicide. Whether through losing a classmate or a family member, young people face many stressors and need guidance on how to process changing emotions. Use these tips to engage pre-teens in suicide prevention:

  • Stay available for conversations.
  • Encourage them to discuss any worries or questions with you or a trusted adult.
  • Explain about the loss of the individual without being too graphic about the methods used.

Teenagers

Middle and high school students may receive educational materials at school about the prevention of suicide. Youth Suicide Awareness and Prevention Training is available through the Florida Department of Education. Parents and guardians still play an important role in the day-to-day wellbeing of teenagers. Use these tips to engage teens in suicide prevention:

  • Start an intentional dialogue about the loss of the family member or friend.
  • Give them a safe space to share what is going on in their world.
  • Answer any questions that arise completely and honestly.

College Students

Since COVID, more college students are attending classes virtually. This can create a firmer connection to home if they are studying from home; it can also cause a disconnect between their peers and the traditional in-person college experience. Young adults are faced with more uncertainties now that in years past, especially with regards to future job opportunities and living situations. Use these tips to engage college-aged young people in suicide prevention:

  • Provide opportunities to discuss the loss of the loved one.
  • Ask for help with returning life to a new normal.
  • Share your own struggles and how you overcome them.

Each family is unique in their dynamic, but every family has the ability to emerge stronger. Through facilitating deep discussion and fostering connection, family members can come together to process the tragedy.

If you or your children need guidance on how to navigate this complex situation, please call my office to schedule an appointment. I am available in-person with COVID precautions and virtually for private sessions.

Filed Under: Mental Health

September 16, 2020 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Family Healing After Suicide

Suicide affects so many people beyond the person lost. Surviving family members and friends face complex emotions in the coming months and, even years, after the tragedy. Life for those left behind may never return to normal, but there are ways to move forward in a healthy way.

Talk about your loved one. When a member of the family is lost to suicide, one coping mechanism can be to avoid mentioning the person altogether. Holidays and birthdays can be especially hard to get through without sharing memories of when they were present to celebrate with you. Say their name out loud and begin to process the emotions that arise for you.

Start new traditions. If you find that a former tradition is too painful, work together with immediate family members to find a solution that feels right to all involved. It may take some experimenting to find that perfect fit, but you can hold onto the parts that you enjoyed and release the parts that felt forced.

Share your thoughts. Some of the complicated emotions you will be processing can feel uncomfortable and even disloyal to the person you lost. Share them with people who will understand what you are going through. The other members of your family are grieving as well. Lean on one another for support and share your reality.

Be patient with your family, and yourself. Stressors are high in the best of times. Couple the loss of a loved one through suicide with the challenges of living through a pandemic and you have the perfect situation for an emotional overload. Give yourself extra time to respond and make sure that the family is going out of their way to be kind to one another.

Connect the entire family with a mental health professional. Individual and family counseling is vital at such a time as this. Even if you consider yourself to be physically and emotionally strong, a tragic event can be jarring for anyone.

If you would like to start a conversation about how I can help you as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, please contact my office at the Jacksonville Center for Counseling at (904) 737-7242.

Filed Under: Mental Health

August 10, 2020 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Resilience and Routines

We are living in unusual times. The routines we took for granted like eating out with friends, commuting to the office, and going to the movies aren’t as easy to do. There are a lot of big decisions each family has to make and what’s right for one family may not be feasible for another.

One thing that you and your family can focus on during these challenging times is increasing resiliency. Resiliency simply means that you are able to bounce back from a negative situation. You can increase your resiliency by improving your emotional health. Medical professionals recognize the ways your physical and mental health are connected and healthcare is improving as a result.

The National Institute of Health (NIH) published an emotion wellness toolkit that outlines 6 strategies for improving your emotional health. Below are ways you can follow their strategies from your home or right here in Jacksonville.

  1. Brighten your outlook.
    Exercise can release endorphins and running is especially good for increasing serotonin. Both of these chemicals give your brain a boost by decreasing your sensitivity to pain and increasing your mood stability. Florida is great for getting outside and going for a run. If it’s raining, wait 10 or 15 minutes and duck out between thunderstorms.
  2. Reduce stress.
    Jacksonville is home to many beautiful parks and museums. Take a walk at Jacksonville Arboretum and practice deep breathing. Better still, leave your phone in the car to really stay present and observe all of the different plants and trees around you. Time outside alone, or with a friend or two can be a great way to decompress from anything that’s bothering you.
  3. Get quality sleep.
    Sleep is a powerful way to regenerate your mind and body. You can go high-tech and program the lights in your living room to turn off when you plan to head to bed. You can also go slightly lower-tech and just flip the switch on your way out of the room. However you function best, make sure that you are getting the full rest that your body needs to be at its healthiest and happiest.
  4. Cope with loss.
    This summer has been one of disappointment for a lot of people. Students and their families expected to attend graduation ceremonies. Many weddings and other celebrations had to be postponed or cancelled. In Jacksonville, there are so many friends and families who lost loved ones due to illness. Loss impacts each individual a little differently. For some, they may find healing through a religious leader; others may feel comfort in spending time alone. Make sure that you are caring for yourself and the people who depend on you while you are grieving.
  5. Strengthen social connections.
    Call a friend or family member and talk about the things that are important to them. More important than talking is just being present to listen. Even if you can’t get together due to social distance or physical distance, you can still maintain that relationship by picking up the phone or sending someone a text to let them know you are thinking of them.
  6. Be mindful.
    When you catch yourself in an emotion that brings negative feelings, stop and recognize what you are experiencing. You can feel sadness without being depressed and you can feel happiness without being elated. Focus on the way the emotion flows through your mind and try to track the origin of that feeling. Be intentional about what you watch for entertainment and who you spend a significant amount of time around.

 

Click here to read the NIH Emotional Wellness Toolkit and download their checklist. If you would like to start a conversation about how I can help you as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, please contact my office the Jacksonville Center for Counseling at (904) 737-7242.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Mental Health, Personal Improvement

July 30, 2020 By Paul McRae Leave a Comment

Personal Record – Doing the Best for Your Family

We are all doing the best we can in the situation we find ourselves in. There are so many big decisions to make as schools shift to different models and workplaces make the changes necessary to keep us safe. If you feel like your life is out of control and you don’t know what to do next, focus on the small things that you have the most influence over.

As a running coach, I encourage my athletes to look at each race with a single goal in mind, to achieve their personal best. For a 5K, it could be to achieve your best time; for a half-marathon or marathon, that goal could be to achieve the longest distance without stopping to walk. As long as you are making progress, you can feel that hit of dopamine that comes when you reach a goal or finish a task.

If you aren’t into running, you can find other ways to set personal records. Encourage your kids to set goals for projects that are important to them. For example, if they are into video games, most systems have a way to save your highest score or furthest level and you can then try to beat that point in the game. More traditional goal setting would include things like number of books read in a month or year, or the fastest they can fold a load of laundry.

Your personal best is a good metric to track because it can give you an idea of where you are now and where you were a year ago. In business it is common to use the phrase, “Measure what you want to improve.” The same can be said of your personal life. If you want to lose weight or you want a better job, or any of these things that you can clearly envision yourself as having improved—that is the point that you want to start tracking.

If you are unhappy in your job, track for a week all of the things that frustrate you about the situation. Maybe you don’t like the tasks you are assigned or you would prefer that your boss treat you in a different way than you are being treated. Note the occasions in your workweek that elicit a strong reaction, good or bad. When you track these things for a week, or two weeks, or a month, you may start to notice patterns that you can work to shift.

Work with a mental health professional to help you achieve those things that you have been striving for and have not yet reached. We are ready to work with you on ways to cope with the stressors in your life and create a healthier, sustainable way of living.

To schedule an appointment to see me in private practice, please contact Jacksonville Center for Counseling at (904) 737-7242.

Filed Under: Mental Health, Personal Improvement

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