Paul McRae, LMHC

Clinical Director + Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Paul McRae

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How to Build a Strong Support System

As a busy person with a lot of responsibilities, it can be hard to make sure I don’t drop the ball on anything. I’m a father, husband, psychologist, running coach, owner of several businesses, and I volunteer in the community. I manage to make time for the people and events that are important to me and a lot of the credit for my success goes to my support system.

I want to share with you how to build a strong support system of your own. Surrounded by the right people, and with the right tools and mindset, you too can accomplish a lot in your day. I like to think about growing a strong support system as similar to building endurance when you train to run.

The first step to building a strong support system is to start where you are.

New runners know that the first step to improving their times is to show up for early morning track practice. You don’t need the best shoes or a life coach to get started creating a strong support system. Use the materials you already have and the people you already know to shift your life in a more positive direction.

Next, you will want to make small improvements on the areas you can impact.

Exercise is a great way to improve your physical and mental health but it is not enough on its own. You can make small improvements in how you spend your time and what you choose to eat to help you move toward a healthier life.

Build a small support system first.

Your support system is a combination of your habits and your network. In running, this is the time you would find a running buddy or two. Within your network, tap the people who make a positive impact in your life. Let them know that you value their friendship and skills and ask what you can do to help them succeed in areas of their own life. Celebrate the things you are already doing right in your daily life and practice forming better habits to make you a happier and healthier individual.

Grow your support system.

Join an organization whose goals align with yours. As you offer help where you are able, your support system will naturally grow over time. The best way to grow a strong support system is to be a support to others in time of need, whether through volunteering in the community or giving of yourself directly. A kind word or a box of groceries can mean the world to someone who is going through a tough time.
There you have it. Your endurance is something that will improve over time just as your support system will grow as you continue to nurture it.

Who are some of the biggest supporters in your support system?

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Practice Vulnerability at Work

When you start practicing vulnerability at home, it’s time to bring that mindset to the office.

“Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.” Brené Brown comes from a deep academic history in social work. Her research on vulnerability and emotion are legendary.

Her TED Talk, “The power of vulnerability” mentions a few times when individuals feel most vulnerable at work. She mentions people being laid off and laying off others as some of these times. Other instances when people might feel vulnerable at the office is when delivering a presentation or meeting with a new team member.

You can practice vulnerability at the office by trying some of these strategies:

  • Be the first person to show appreciation.

    Recognizing a colleague for a job well done is an authentic way to show vulnerability. You are demonstrating that the individual is worthy of praise and it’s a great reminder that you too belong in this space.

  • Share when you are worried.

    It is most likely that your team already knows when you are worried about something at work. Go ahead and share what’s on your mind with others in your office to foster transparent communication.

  • Ask for help.

    Trust that your co-workers will deliver when you ask for assistance on a project. When you admit that you can’t do it all on your own, you provide a chance to include others in a mutual goal

  • Explain your goals.

    This is a big step of vulnerability if you are in a position of authority. When sharing the goals for the month or the quarter, take a moment to explain the reasons behind the measurements. Trust that your team will support you in reaching your goals.

Whether you are the supervisor in your department or an employee in a small business, you can have the confidence to show vulnerability in the workplace.
If you want a hand thinking of strategies specific to your situation, contact me for an individual session.

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Practice Vulnerability at Home

Have you seen Brené Brown’s famous TED Talk, “The power of vulnerability”? It’s amazing and raw and in it she explains the research she has done on what she calls “whole-hearted people.” These are people who feel that they are worthy of love and belonging.

When people come to see me in my private practice, they are working through many different issues. Some are trying to improve their relationships at home. If you are working to improve your relationship with your spouse and children try practicing vulnerability.

You can practice vulnerability at home by trying some of these strategies:

  • Show affection first.

    When you initiate affection, you are demonstrating that you consider yourself worthy of love. It’s a great way to demonstrate to your children and your partner or spouse that they too are worthy of love and attention.

  • Share when your feelings are hurt.

    Open and compassionate communication with loved ones shows a deep level of trust. Start small to gain confidence that your emotions will be well-received. Build to a deeper level of transparency with your spouse.

  • Ask for help.

    Asking for help is a very important behavior to model in front of children and is one of the hardest ways to show vulnerability. Know that you may not receive help the first time you ask and be willing to put yourself out there a few times before getting a positive result.

  • Explain what you want.

    When you are self-aware enough to know what you want, share that want with your spouse and your children. It can be as simple as saying, “This Saturday I want the family to work together to weed the garden because I want to spend time together while improving our home.” Giving the motive behind what you want everyone to do will show that you trust them to work with you.

For our own physical and mental health, as well as the health of our loved ones, it is important to show vulnerability. Brené Brown writes, “We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to.”

If you are ready to function as you are meant to and need some guidance to get there, contact me to discuss strategies specific to your situation.

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Lead by Example

As a licensed mental health counselor, I see a variety of people. Most of my clients are people that are doing the best they can and need a few ideas on how to use the skills they already have to make the life that they want for themselves.

In the counseling profession, the need for more counselors continues to grow. According to the Department of Labor, Mental Health Counselor employment is expected to grow 20% from 2014 to 2024 figures. While the number of graduates entering the industry grows, I want to be there to support the next generation of counselors as they earn the status of licensed mental health counselor.

In counseling there is a shift from psychology graduate to mental health counselor. With that first job offer sometimes comes the inclusion of supervisory hours. Working within an agency or larger organization will increase the likelihood that the position will include a clinical supervisor who will help a new graduate meet their licensure requirements.

For the mental health counselors I supervise, I focus on four areas:

  1. Promoting Supervisee Growth and DevelopmentI take an active interest in the areas the supervisees want to improve. Many counselors identify a topic of expertise they want to develop and I am happy to facilitate their decision. As a clinical supervisor, I make sure to model best practice in continuing education for myself.

  2. Protecting the Welfare of the ClientDuring supervision, the mental health counselor will begin to see their own patients. It is important, especially during the beginning of their practice, that the welfare of the client is the main priority. Clients will get the best care if the new counselor has a good support system.
  1. Monitoring Supervisee Performance and Gatekeeping the ProfessionWith consistent check-ins during supervision, the counselor will update me on their performance. I will provide guidance and suggestions on ways they can improve in future sessions with each of their clients. Giving feedback to the supervisees is a great opportunity for me to check-in with myself and make some adjustments to continue to improve my own practice.

  2. Empowering the Supervisee to Self-Supervise and Carry Out These Goals as an Independent Professional

    I enjoy helping others succeed. This is part of why I am also a running coach. In psychology, I like to see my clients succeed and now, as a clinical supervisor, I can be a part of the success of new counselors.

Are you mentoring someone in your field? How are you modeling best behaviors in your own industry?

 

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6 Ways to Keep Your Relationships Healthy on Social Media

Social media can be a challenging place to navigate. The urge to share and post to Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram can be overwhelming. It is possible to use social media in a healthy way that supports good mental health.

Part of being human is enjoying the good things that come our way. Good food, good company, and good news are all positive moments in life. When you check your social media account and you see a new like or supportive comment on a recent status or photo, a burst of dopamine reminds your brain of the pleasure that like brings. If you are interested in the science of dopamine, a good book to read is Habits of a Happy Brain by Loretta Graziano Breuning.

You can use social media in a positive way to keep your relationships and your own mental health healthy. Try these 6 ways:

  1. Share positive stories in an authentic way.
    Preparing for a big race? Share your training schedule and your PR goal. Don’t wait until you get the medal at the end of the race to post. When you share your training along the way, it gives people an accurate idea of how hard you work to achieve your goals. That being said, maybe leave off the posts with gory injuries.
  2. Participate in pages and groups that encourage healthy behaviors.
    Groups on LinkedIn are great for connecting and learning from peers in your industry. On Facebook, there are hundreds of groups about fitness and inspiration. One example of a local Facebook page that provides inspiration for runners is PRS Running Club. Finding an online group with a real-life tangible component is a great way to keep your online relationships healthy.
  3. Pause to think about the impact of online discussion on your everyday life.
    Commenting on someone’s status is adding to the conversation. If your normal behavior includes polite conversation, keep your online words civil. Tone can be hard to read on social media so if you are unsure if your words will sting, use caution before posting. Remember that anything you put on the internet can be saved and re-posted.
  4. Check and monitor your privacy settings.
    Privacy. “Remember that anything you put on the internet can be saved and re-posted.” It is important to keep yourself safe online by using the privacy settings available. On Facebook, you can change your activity settings to filter to specific audiences. On Twitter you can set up a protected account. Check that your privacy settings are enabled for your physical and emotional safety.
  5. Remind yourself of the social media filter.
    Picture-perfect lifestyles are posted on social media and it is easy to want what others seem to have. Remember that anyone you follow is curating their content. They choose to share the best stories and their best photos because that is how they want people to see them. Like your friends’ posts and share in the joy of their happiness and successes. At the same time, remember to be available for them offline when they have a bad day.
  6. Know when to get offline.
    Social media can be a great source of community and it has the potential to be harmful. While using any online account, remain self-aware of how your interactions online are effecting your mood in the real world.

Set reasonable boundaries for yourself as you use social media. If you need some help deciding which social media behaviors are beneficial, please contact me for more information.